Baby Fever!

Okay so I have mentioned this before in the past post about feeling like everyone my age is ahead in life. Well over the past few months I have had the extreme case of "baby fever". I know I'm young I'm only 20 and I feel guilty for having it but not at the same time. More than half of my Facebook friends are either living on their own or with their SO, some are pregnant and others already have babies! I hate when someone on my Facebook announces that they are pregnant. My words are literally "Seriously?" I wont go out and get pregnant but I'm just so curious as to why I'm feeling this way. I'm young, I shouldn't want a baby! To get over my baby fever I went over to my friends house and said "alright I'm taking the baby for a walk!" It was great. She is 7 weeks old and the cutest thing. I brought her to my school and showed her to my teachers. I really wanted to let one of my favorite teachers hold her because I know is really wanting a baby girl! It was great to see her so happy while holding that little bundle of joy! I basically killed 2 birds with one stone because I made us both happy. Anyways I'm going to make a doctors appointment to see what's happening inside my mind and I think I will ask her to test me to see if I can even conceive because one of my sisters can't and my other can conceive on like the first try. I also need to get back on Adderall since I'm starting school in September!

New Plan

I went to my usual session today and we talked about all the issues we had covered. My therapist then asked me if I was excited about this being our last session. I was honest and said yes and no. I felt like we really hadn't gotten as far as I liked but she insisted that I was improving. So we both decided that I will still see her once a month. I feel a bit better because I will still have the kind of support that I know I will need.

Anyways, these past two weeks have been alright. Two weekends ago I stayed at my aunts house because I had my skills assessment that I needed to get done for college. I enjoyed seeing all my cousins whom which I hadn't seen in almost three years! This long weekend was good! I had a pool party that I went to and I babysat. The child that I was babysitting wasn't having the best day so keeping him happy was quite a challenge and it didn't help that the power went out and came back on when he was asleep. That caused him to wake up at three in the morning. I can say that putting him to bed was easier than it has been in the past. I knew he was cranky and tired because he didn't have his usual afternoon nap. Other than that the weekend was good. The Monday was pretty relaxing besides the fact that I moving things out of the kitchen because Jerry is renovating it.

Excuse Me?

So I have been going to my therapist for a while now and I've actually gotten use to it. This time my therapist decides to tell me at the end of my session that I only have TWO sessions left. What? She hasn't even spoken to me about the issues she has discovered about me! How can I only have two left? After hearing the "wonderful" news, I walked out feeling uncertain. I told my teacher the news since she is very gong ho about the whole therapy thing and she...well I think she was kind of surprised when I told her that my therapist thought I was doing well. To be honest I'm kind of surprised as well. I thought she would recommend more sessions because I know there were more issues that she wanted to address with me.

What's bugging me about this is that I can deny to everyone around me that I'm fine and I don't need anymore therapy but I know that I could use some more sessions. I don't think I was doing that well, actually I thought I was doing worse because of my moods. I think I'm going to ask for more sessions, I mean what harm could more therapy do, right?

I also haven't really spoken about my eating issues because they're up and down all the time. Usually I will be alright for a few days and I will eat substantial amounts of food but then there is always at least 3 day in the week where I will look in the mirror and feel so crappy about the way I look and that is when the eating issue arises. When I feel this way my mind will literally tell me " you look too fat today, don't eat" so I know that day will be a battle to eat. Monday was not a good day, I wouldn't let myself eat until at least 7 o'clock pm. Those days are always tough because there is only so much you can do to distract yourself from the hunger pains but I manage. So far the rest of the week has been good. I still have the constant guilt when I eat something but I try and tell myself I need to eat to live.